Update two days after posting: I don't think it's dangerous to write anymore. I hope I'm not wrong.
Scissor has been strange for me lately. I know she's just a character of mine and a drawing but I can't seem to get her out of my head. She just pops in like a poorly timed inappropriate thought. Invades my mental space. I don't know what it is but I've been feeling very sick lately. Not physically, mentally. It's like some kind of depreSsion only not.
I woke up one morning feeling the need to draw her again. I suppose it's been long enough since the last time I painted her. I started sketching but nothing seemed right except her in this pose. I know the feeling of searching for the right sketch, the right thumbnail, the right composition, palette, angle, shape, gesture, texture, form, ligHting, line, reference, mood, theme, idea, message, narrative, brushstroke, edge, mark, ambiEnce, position, figure, proportion, lens, exposure, contrast, fashion, design, surface, flats, depth, feature, touch, feel, effect, filter, response, thought, tone, sense, shadow, shoCk, shot, sound, space, scene, sscscccsssccc but it wasn't it this time. It's almost like there was only one way this had to be. Every idea not corresponding to the design was pushed away like two mAgnets of the same polarity.
As soon as I fiNished this piece I had to upload it. I couldn't write anything about it even though I felt in my mind there are many things left to say, struggling to come out even, swirling down a whirlpool, moving up and down, side to side, calling out as if they want me gone with them though I don't know if I could leave, I was never much of an open sea kind of guy, even though I always did like the ocean, it's so calm and nice even if it's not it wants me in and wants me off the ground into the cozy depth where I am no longer where I can hope again to maybe feel or if not hear at leaSt which would be nice I–
Two days ago when it was postEd not a word could be uttEred but now we are here. I don't have anything like this happen unless it's a painting of her. I haven't sketched anYthing with her again or even thought about it. The mOment I do it's very hard to stop it seems. A day or so after painting this I thoUght about what would the next one be like and I could only stop after taking a hot bath and letting my mind breathe. I can't tell you what is gonna happen to pieces with Sc– her for that reason. I need to step away, I think?